


To Live, To Love

by canistealyourcat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, kagehinakage month, kind of reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2341952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canistealyourcat/pseuds/canistealyourcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lifetime of Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio is not without pain, but together they learn what it is to live, and what it is to love.</p><p>Week 2 of Kagehina Month, using the prompt from the song "Talking Bird" by Death Cab For Cutie<br/>"Oh, my talking bird<br/>Though your feathers are tattered and furled<br/>I’ll love you all your days<br/>Till the breath leaves your delicate face."</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Live, To Love

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT WORRY NOBODY (really) DIES  
> Was reading iwillstillopenthewindow's fic "A Hundred or so Hellos" to get the feel for angst, and good lord did I ever get it. It kinda inspired me to write this one too. That fic is a work of genius. For those of you who have not already read it, please go read it.
> 
> Anyways, this is kinda late into the second week of Kagehina Month, but school stuff happened and I went on a trip, so I didn't get to upload it. As always, thanks to my betas actually-funny and kiras-hale for their awesomeness (*^^*)♡

Kageyama takes Hinata’s face in his hands, cupping his cheeks. _So warm_ , he thinks.

And that’s what Hinata is. Warmth.

Kageyama’s warmth.

 

* * *

 

 

Hinata’s palm smacks perfectly into the ball, sending it flying into the other team’s court.

“Yo-shia!” Hinata pumps his fist, giving Kageyama a high five.

“Once more!”

“I don’t need you to tell me that!” Kageyama sniffs. “Just jump. I’ll bring the ball to you.”

And that’s what Kageyama is. Invincibility.

Hinata’s invincibility.

 

* * *

 

 

“D-d-do you-aahh, PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!” Hinata swears that Kageyama has never bowed lower in his life. His forehead is almost touching his knees.

Hinata laughs. He takes Kageyama’s face into his hands.

“As if I need you to ask me that.”

_Nishinoya and Tanaka are howling with laughter in the background._

_But that doesn’t matter._

“Oh, Kageyama?”

“What?”

Hinata smiles, and Kageyama swears the world brightens a little bit.

“If you want to go out with me, please start smiling.”

 

* * *

 

 

The whole gym falls silent. The silence is eerie, like holding your breath and waiting for something to pass. Like a tsunami, or a hurricane.

And it does.

It erupts into noise. Whistles, flags, entangled limbs and cheering and yelling and screaming and there is Hinata, being lifted onto his teammates’ shoulders and is Takeda-sensei _crying_? Whirlwinds of colour and joy and a beating heart and a tingling in his fingers, Hinata basks in it.

“Nationals! We just won _nationals_!” Nishinoya screams. Asahi lifts him onto his shoulders, his usual timid demeanour showing an elated smile. TV cameras swarm around them, capturing their moment of victory from every angle.

“KIYOKO-SAN!” Tanaka yells. The team manager turns.

“I LIKE YOU! PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!”

Kiyoko stands still, stunned. A blush creeps up her cheeks and she looks away. Then, a barely perceptible nod. The whole team erupts into cheers once again, patting (a stunned-looking) Tanaka on the back and chanting his name.

“KAGEYAMA!!” Hinata cries out, his voice carrying above everyone else’s. The raven-haired boy looks up. Is he _laughing_?

“I LIKE YOU MORE THAN TANAKA LIKES KIYOKO-SAN!” Hinata shouts, throwing his arms wide and letting his teammates support him. There is silence once again.

Then they start laughing. Hard. Doubling over and clutching their stomachs. Even Daichi forgets to be strict, and Suga is laughing into his shoulder.

When Kageyama pulls Hinata down for a hug, the shorter boy thinks that this must be what it feels like to fly.

 _But, who is he kidding? He’s always flying. No, Kageyama makes him_ soar.

 

* * *

 

Their firsts are just a series of awkward staring, scrambling, and insults thrown back and forth.

“Ahh, goddamnit Kageyama, you hit my teeth!”

“I didn’t mean to, jeez!”

“That hurt!”

“I’m sorry okay?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Ahh…Hinata…”

“Ka-Kageyama, wait…”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“No, but-”

“Just relax.”

“Please, Kage-”

“Hush.”

“Tobio.”

“What?”

“Here.”

 

* * *

 

 

At their wedding, Daichi and Suga are crying the most. Kageyama has to admit that maybe he is holding back a few tears as well.

“I will.” Hinata smiles, as bright as the sun. Kageyama slips the silver ring onto Hinata’s ring finger, then brings his hand up and gently plants a kiss on his knuckles. White looks good on Hinata. If possible, makes him brighter than he already is.

_Though, it’s not possible to be brighter than the sun._

“Kageyama, smile,” Hinata says. And he does.

_At least to Kageyama._

 

* * *

 

 Hinata has started to throw things a lot lately.

“Idiot, stop it, I’ll do some tosses for you, okay?”

Hinata looks up. Eyes expectant and eager.

Then it fades, and he looks away.

_Hinata?_

_What?_

_Why aren’t you smiling?_

 

* * *

 

 They decide to adopt a child.

But when they reach the orphanage, a fire-truck had beaten them to it.

 

* * *

 

 Two days later, they receive a call. Hinata picks up with a cheery “Hello?”

Then Kageyama is there, patting Hinata’s head while he sobs.

“Mama…Mama…” he says, brokenly. Kageyama can only watch as his sun gets dimmer and dimmer before his very eyes.

 

* * *

 

 The funeral is a week later. They are both dressed in black.

When they lower the coffin into the ground, Hinata does not look.

 

* * *

 

Kageyama comes home from work one day to find the house silent.

He searches and searches, finally finding Hinata in the bathroom.

Then all he sees is red (and a glint of silver).

_The sun doesn’t like clouds._

 

* * *

 

Hospitals are scary places. It’s white _everywhere_. Kageyama misses the colours.

Kageyama never wants to step foot in one ever again.

 

* * *

 

 When Hinata comes home, he’s still wearing that stupid bracelet as if there is something wrong with him.

One night, Kageyama takes a pair of scissors and chops it off. The plastic band falls onto the kitchen countertop in slow motion. Then he’s crying and shouting and banging his fists into the table and then there’s Hinata pulling him in and closing him in his arms and-

 _There is nothing wrong with him_.

“Kageyama?”

“What?”

“I’m still here.”

“Dumbass, that’s my line.”

 

* * *

 

 Kageyama was right. For the next year and a half, Kageyama is there. He is there through the crying, he is there through the flailing and the yelling and the nightmares and the vomit and-everything. He is there. There are some days where his sun is dimmer than usual, and some days where it disappears completely, like an old black and white movie. But Kageyama is there. Because his sun is, why would he leave?

_Winter doesn’t make the clouds disappear. It makes the clouds seem okay. Acceptable._

“Hinata?”

“What?”

“Can you smile for me?”

 

* * *

 

The night where Hinata comes home for good, they celebrate. They stay up all night watching movies and eating popcorn and sitting on the couch. Kageyama’s chin is resting on top of Hinata’s hair, a mess of soft, orange strands that smell like summer.

When Hinata falls asleep, Kageyama kisses his head.

“I love you.”

_And that is what he is to Kageyama. Warmth._

_Kageyama’s warmth._

_Kageyama’s sun._

 

* * *

 

Kageyama has never said those three words to Hinata before. At least, not when he’s awake. Hinata briefly wonders why.

“Kageyama.”

“What?”

“Why don’t you ever say you love me?” Hinata asks. They are decorating cookies. He has long since given up, his icing tube lying forgotten next to his hand.

Kageyama looks up, cheeks flushed. “D-dumbass!”

“What?”

Kageyama looks away. “As if I need to say it for you to know.”

“What harm does it bring for you to just say it every once in a while?” Hinata asks, indignant.

_Because words can’t possibly show what I feel for you._

When Kageyama doesn’t answer, Hinata stands up angrily. “Oh, I see how it is. Fine then.”

_“I love you” isn’t enough._

“Hinata-”

“I’m going out for a walk.”

Kageyama grabs his wrist. Hinata jerks away, the violence surprising the taller boy, but it isn’t enough to pull away from his stronger grip.

“That’s not that I meant Hinata. Just listen to me.” Kageyama says, desperately. His icing tube, too, lay forgotten next to his batch of cookies. “It’s just…not enough.”

Hinata raises an eyebrow.

Kageyama blushes and looks away, a defensive scowl on his face. “What I’m saying is that ‘I love you’ isn’t enough. To say…how much I feel about you.”

Hinata doesn’t speak for a while. Finally, he relaxes his arm, but Kageyama doesn’t let go of his hand.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Hinata smiles, and sits back down in his seat. He grabs his icing tube and starts to make a mess of his cookies, the icing going everywhere.

But Kageyama doesn’t mind. He’ll eat them.

 

* * *

 

 This time, it is Hinata who wishes that he would never have to set foot in a hospital ever again.

Drivers who drink, Hinata thought, shouldn’t be allowed to exist.

Then he realizes that it is a horrible wish to wish on someone but he doesn’t care he doesn’t care because Tobio is behind those doors and it’s been hours and hours and he’s on his third cup of coffee and he might be shaking uncontrollably (okay, he is) and Tobio could possibly be-

_No. He’s not._

_That’s what he is to Hinata. Invincibility._

_Hinata’s invincibility._

_And he hopes, against all hopes, that he is invincible now._

 

* * *

 

It is Hinata’s turn to be there.

He sits through Kageyama’s tantrums, giving him pillows to hit and sometimes, plates to break. When it is over, Hinata cleans up and settles down next to his former setter, handing him tissues and entangling his fingers in the other’s.

He never says anything about it. Why should he?

For the next fifty years, he never says anything about the wheelchair.

 

* * *

 

 Hinata Shouyou spends the next fifty years of his life helping his partner, Kageyama Tobio. Clothes, food, baths. He is Kageyama’s personal chauffeur, and Kageyama is well enough to make jokes about it now.

They still decorate cookies. They still eat popcorn and watch movies on the couch. Kageyama is still better at making cookies, and Kageyama still picks the movies.

Hinata strokes his hand through Kageyama’s greying hair, watching the strands slide through his fingers. Kageyama is humming a tune, his back vibrating against Hinata’s chest.

“Tobio.”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

 

* * *

 

 And three years later, Kageyama Tobio is in the hospital again.

_That’s what he is to Kageyama._

“Shouyou!” he screams. He wheels his chair as fast as he can down the hall, startling the nurses. He got the call a few minutes ago, and already he is hating himself, his immobility, and good god he _needed_ to get to Shouyou he _needed_ to go goddamn _faster_ -

Someone grabs onto the back of his chair. He makes a frustrated noise and attempts to swat them away. He turns around, signature glare already back on his face. “What the he-”

“Sir, I believe he needs rest right now.” It’s Shouyou’s doctor.

“I need to see him,” Kageyama protests, straining with all his strength to wheel his chair forward, but the doctor is surprisingly strong.

“You can, but not in that state,” the doctor replies gently.

_Kageyama’s warmth._

Kageyama breathes, calming himself down, and nods. The doctor lets him go. He wheels into the room to find the blinds shut and the heart monitor beeping steadily. He comes to a rest next to Shouyou’s bed.

“Shouyou,” he whispers. The boy turns his head, eyelids drowsy with sleep.

“Tobio.” His voice is weak, but Kageyama can still hear Hinata in there. Barely.

“Are you…okay?”

Hinata laughs, or tries to, “As okay as I’ll ever be.”

Kageyama stares. The orange hair, the amber eyes. It’s dull, somewhat.

“Tobio?”

“What?”

Hinata raises a hand, and cups Kageyama’s cheek.

“Smile.”

_Kageyama’s sun._

Hinata doesn’t see Kageyama’s tears.

 

* * *

 

 Three months later, Kageyama is back, along with Natsu. He does not cry. He does not respond when Natsu sits down next to him. He watches Hinata’s sleeping face, his chest rising up and down, trying to count how many times he’s doing it. But he keeps losing track.

“Tobio?” Hinata opens his eyes, gaze unfocused. Dilated pupils settle on Kageyama, and then he swears Hinata’s whole being starts to glow. The oxygen mask on his face fogs up and clears, fogs up and clears, and Kageyama finds himself entranced by it. By Hinata’s breathing.

“Tobio,” he says, more definite this time. He reaches for Kageyama’s hand, and Kageyama grips it, tight.

“Natsu,” Hinata grins, a sliver of his old self resurfacing with the expression.

“Onii-chan,” Natsu’s smile matches Hinata’s, the two still looking alike despite the marks that age has left on their features.

Hinata looks back to Kageyama. “What are you doing here?”

_That’s what he is to Hinata._

Kageyama jumps to reply before Natsu can. “We got a call.”

Hinata frowns, “About what?”

“We are officially sponsoring a child. She’s 5 and she lives in Uganda,” Kageyama says. Hinata breaks into a smile, his eyes lighting up.

“That’s great, Tobio. Take care of her,” he says. Then he grimaces, and his grip momentarily falters in Kageyama’s hand.

“Onii-chan!” Natsu cries, leaning forward. Kageyama does too, his heart pounding.

“Call the doctor!” Kageyama yells. Natsu nods, and hobbles out of the room as quickly as her body would let her.

_Hinata’s invincibility._

“I’m fine…” Hinata croaks. Kageyama buries his face in Hinata’s side.

“Hinata…” Kageyama says, his tears spilling out over the edge.

“Tobio?”

“What?”

“I’m still here.”

Kageyama stares, stunned. Then, “Dumbass, that’s my line.”

Hinata smiles, one last time.

_When Kageyama is here, he is invincible._

“Tobio.”

“What?”

“Remember to smile.”

_He is soaring._

“Dumbass Hinata,” Kageyama whispers. Then he leans forward, and kisses his forehead.

“I love you.”

When the doctors get there, Kageyama is already gone.

 

* * *

 

  _"I love you.”_

_Hinata smiles. So that dumbass had it in him after all._

_He’s vaguely aware of Kageyama wheeling away, and the sound disappears as he rounds into the hall._

_I’ll be waiting._

 

* * *

 

Six months later, it is only Natsu by Kageyama’s bed.

It is Natsu that sits, and reminds Kageyama of his sun, and everything she’s saying sounds like him and every movement looks like him and god is he crying _again_? Natsu stops what she’s saying and pats his head.

“It’s okay, Tobio-chan. Onii-chan is there waiting for you,” Natsu says softly, her hand petting Kageyama’s hair. “He’s probably sick of waiting and impatient, as always.”

Kageyama nods.

“Thank you,” he says.

 

* * *

 

_Bakageyama, you’re finally here._

_Huh!? What’s that supposed to mean?_

_I got tired of waiting._

_…Me too._

_Really?_

_Then where’s that smile?_

_…_

_Ahh, there it is._

_I missed you._

_Me too._

_I love you._

_Me too._

_Hinata?_

_What?_

_Thank you._

 

* * *

 

When he walks into the gym, he is met by shivers.

He looks around, and sees a short, orange-haired boy ogling at the high ceiling and huge walls, eyes popped out and wide. Kageyama is struck by how much he glows, like he’s projecting beams of light from his body.

Kageyama thinks he looks familiar.

He kind of looks like the sun.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I'm not the only huge crybaby on here...also the awkward sex scene was inspired by a part in Fangirl, a book by Rainbow Rowell. I definitely recommend reading it.  
> Thanks for reading! Feedback appreciated xoxo


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